Hollywood remakes for 2011

Tinsletown is buzzing with the recent revelation of coming MAJOR BLOCKBUSTER remakes:

SPZMG is looking forward to these two features in particular:

Rocky VII

The italian stallion is back to face his most deadly nemesis ever - Alzheimers. Will he prevail?

Saw XII

Jigsaw's rotting remains are dug up and sewn back together in graphic HD 3-D by his demented son, then re-animated via spinal grafted animatron robotics so that his unconscious cadaver can go around slowly jabbing flesh eating virus carrying fetuses down the orapheses of innocent teenage grils in this 5 hour epic. The Daily Star calls it "Spine Tingling".

Extracts from AVATAR treatment document

No.53 =

Names for the expensive mineral:

Hardtogetium

Unobtainium

Outofreachium

Unexplainium

Digindeepium

Plotdevicium

Hiddengen

Futilium

Gold

Note:

Let's go with Unexplainium: Ive been here for eight years.

eg:

a) "Why are those mountains floating?"

b) "This whole region is covered in Unexplainium"

(..Also good = James' idea to just leave any explanation of the floating mountains from script)

Election Special pt.1: Ikarus

This election has been a special one, and voting day was no different:

At 8:45am Former UKIP party leader and lisping Nazi Kermit-alike Nigel Farage got into an aircraft he borrowed from Mel Gibson to pull a banner reading "Don't like Polacks? Vote UKIP", over the constituency of somewhere racist.

As he was buckling up he bravely and wryly taunted Jesus with the following flippant joke to the press:

"I hope I don't nosedive at 70mph into a crumpled pile of prejudice and have to emerge flapping about in the grass like a jew at a poofter march, ha ha ha".

The flight was in the air for exactly 88 seconds. One theory about the cause of the crash is that the banner was too long and snagged the right wing of the craft. A senior representative of UKIP agreed "if we'd gone with 'Gook' instead it would have been a completely different story".

Farage is currently being treated at nearby St. Georges Hospital, where a source has said: "Nigel was unconscious but can talk". adding further momentum to major scientific research funded by Oxford University ongoing since Farage's first ever commons address in June 2008.

A local Police inquiry launched after a witness saw four Polish men apparently seen tampering with the PZL-104 was dropped after one of the males came forward to explain themselves as "sky plumbers performing a routine check-up".

Police are still investigating the cause of the act of God.